She started Soul Train with only a
glue stick, glitter and a limbo stick
I forgot to mention while it was still Black History month a touchy subject but I figured since it's now boring old Women's "Her-story" Month a.k.a. March that this post could very well work too. Gone are the days of women being forced to stay at home while being degraded. Now they are free to join the workforce and make sex tapes with hip-hop stars. I'm just saying that bitches have come a long way. So, please, ask me why that with all the advancements that women have made, especially black women, that they would go and let three assholes set them back to the days of mammydom. Of course, I am talking about Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence.
"I'm a good father."
The three of them have made a career out of dressing up in drag as fat black women to relative success. They are all multiple offenders. I think the Mrs. Doubtfire craze resonated and made it possible for them all because, as we all know, sassy black women are a hell of a lot funnier than deranged middle aged fathers pretending to be an old British woman so he can "play" with his kids. Mmhmm. All and all, when it comes down to it, I blame Eddie Murphy for starting America's love affair with tucked black penis.
"Sherman, Sherman, Sherman!"
Eddie really kicked off the movement with his multiple characters in the Nutty Professor. The only character he didn't play was that fat hamster. He played Sherman's force feeding mother and his foul-mouthed, sexually charged trashbag, er, I mean grandmama. To make matters worse, he goes on to make two more movies about that family of bowling balls. I mustn't forget his role as Raspusha in the movie Norbit, where Eddie made women proud to be fat, sassy and bikini-ready. Who the hell greenlighted this? I bet Maya Angelou crapped her Depends undergarments over this.
"How YOU doing?"
Oprah knew Gale would love this two piece on her.
Next we have Tyler Perry. Sheesh. That fool sure does love throwing his name out on the beginning of any damn movie or TV show he does. Tyler Perry 's This. Tyler Perry's That. Here's a good one, Rodrigo Reyes's Fuck off Tyler Perry. Out of all the fat black shemales, his is the worst. I'd like to think that I'm a good judge of character, well, physically that is. At least Martin and Eddie slap some latex masks on when they degrade themselves. All Tyler Perry does is put on a wig, glasses, lipstick and two sandbags for titties and voilà, Madea tranny trainwreck. How YOU doing?
Diary of an Angry Black Turd.
Lastly, we have Martin Lawrence. I know that there are a million things that I can say wrong about Big Momma like how she has Tyra Banks style calves but I'll refrain because I feel like out of all the 40something black dudes dressing up as women, he has the most integrity. A real air of sophistication. Martin gets a reprieve from my shit talking because he did something truly golden back in the 90's and that was the character of Shaneneh. Below is a clip of Shaneneh doing her thing.
That poor beach whale as seaweed on its head!
Go 'head now!
There is a lesson to be learned from all these he-shes and it sure ain't how to plug a weave properly. If there is anything to be learned from this, it is that black men want to be sassy old black ladies if only to ruin their reputations. With that said, honorable mention goes to the Wayans Brother for their award winning performance in White Chicks.
