Random January Pictures

My girl, Lauryn Hill, tearing it up at the Farm.

Big tittied black chick flashing that cash and a hint of class.

Lauryn Hill being incredible as I drunkenly zoomed.

Great tree on Wentworth Street that seemed mermaid-esque but more knotty than your average Ariel.

Great head on Highway 61 at the Architectural Salvage, tell your Aunt Frank.

Old Skool Monkey wielding a banana and a club foot.

La India Maria above the urinal at TB2.

Lime Blue on the King Street.

Grace Church on Wentworth Street made me stop and say AMEN!

The Southern landscape: Four Loko in a parking lot.

Heart

& Soul

Squirrel opener con antique shakers.

The only movie Molly Ringwald didn't star in in the 80's...or did she?

Rostrich.

Hot Haikus Horseface

After an awesome workout late this afternoon, I decided to partake in a ritual that dates all the way back to 2002 in McClintock Hall at ASU. There is nothing like a cold beer in a hot shower, especially during this nasty winter storm that has crippled the Southeast. Beer in the shower makes me want to watch Arrested Development but more importantly, Tobias Funke with his never-nude ways. To commemorate this occasion, I decided to write a haiku.

I sip you slowly.

Cold Coors Light against my hand.

Hot water feels good.

Dentures

Let's just say that Olga Ooze from a recent Polident commercial inspired me.

This is the best one but it couldn't be embedded so click the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd5gm-xa710

Change!

Penny for your thoughts?

So, one night, many moons ago, the ex and I took a bunch of ne'er-do-wells with us to the Rogue, South Scottsdale's premier dive dump. As Shelley used to say, "This dump smells like Tracy Gold's bathroom." We used to take our under age friends there for drinks and what have you. Anywho, one day we were leaving the bar and a homeless man approached us. I wish I could say that he was selling magazine subscriptions or at the very least girl scout cookies but, alas, he was asking for a handout. So, as we rushed to get into the car he asked if I could spare some change. My response was short and sweet, "Can you break a hundred?" Sounds fucked up, yes, but if he would have said he could then I would have done it.

Religious Networking with God In Your Alphabet Soup

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Buddhas In My Belfry

Last night, I couldn't get to sleep. It didn't help that there was a Law & Order: SVU marathon on USA. Damn that Mariska Hargitay and her crime fighting ability. So after deciding that enough was enough, I climbed into bed and stared off into darkness, like so many nights before, when I was suddenly surprised by an unexpected friend. I turn on the bedside lamp and I see a bat flying around. I must admit that I was a bit of a pussy about the situation and immediately threw the blanket over my head. I didn't want to get rabies. The only thing I needed was to start this year off by foaming at the mouth.

So, I continued to squirm under the covers thinking of how I was going to get this fat out of my room. I periodically peeked out to see where the damn thing was and to look for something that would help get it the hell away from me. Afraid that it were going to strike at any moment, I reached out and grabbed the first book I could on the bed stand. My plan was to use the book to hit the bat. I really didn't want rabies. As I got ready to lurch out from under the blanket, I saw that the book I was holding was The Lotus Still Blooms, a book about understanding Buddhist principles. Something told me that there was probably a lot of bad karmic retribution to be had if I killed this damn thing, especially with a Buddhist book.