Making Whoopi (Goldberg)

So I am at work and notice a two top table just going at it. Me and two other servers stood in comedic disbelief as they licked and pawed each other like a couple of wounded badgers. I don't want to see that. It's nauseating. As I struggle to keep down the polenta I had eaten 5 minutes prior the boyfriend starts stroking her hair as she feeds him. Who the fuck does this? I couldn't help but imagine how lame their sex must be, all gentle and soft. Those two don't have sex, they don't fuck, knock boots or bump uglies. They make love. Love making basically translates to two stiffs gently carassing until someone puts something into someone's Suzanne Somers. I find that term as offensive as most people find the word moist or intrauterine. Let's be honest here, there is nothing lovey about it. You aren't making love, you're making a mess. So the next time I make whoopi I'll make sure to WARSH the love out of my sheets or off the couch.