Arizona Sweet Tea

So yesterday, I was making simple syrup for the bar at work and it got me to thinking about my little brother Ralph. When I say little brother, I mean my 6'2'' 220lb college football player brother.

As we all know, simple syrup, is nothing more than sugar and water. Try and have a margarita without it, go ahead. Anywho, Ralph and I used to make sugar water and drink it all the time when we didn't have anything sweet in the house like redneck holy water, or, rather, mountain dew. It just seemed a lot faster and fatter than going to the corner store. Fast and fat? Now, if that's not an oxymoron, I don't know what is y'all. When I stop and think, sugar water is just like sweet tea, only, sans the tea. That explains fat southern, for sure.

One thing not surprising about this situation is the fact that Ralph and I wore "husky" jeans for a few years there in the early '90s a.k.a the Era of Andrea Zuckerman. Remember her? The editor of the West Beverly Blaze. That liar didn't even live in the school district! I digress. Wearing your shirt while swimming doesn't make anyone feel smaller but rather makes you stick out like a fat thumb. Thank God, he and I were able to get out of that shame spiral before we ended up shirtless in our underwear on the Maury Show, flopping around like Baby Jessica.

VW Cabriolet or 5 year old girl?

Notice the opposite use of acid wash jean shirt to pants.

Found Off of Morris Island

This is the remnants of a tree that was on the beach that I found while doing a photo shoot for Julia Faye's swimwear line in which I looked like a dark Adam Lambert. So basically a hot tranny mess. Anywho, it never ceases to amaze me how beautiful nature can be even after it stops living.

Stuff That Looks Like Dead People

This is the bathroom door at Casey Moore's in Tempe. You have to admit that it looks like Jimi Hendrix! Even when I'm sober, I still see it!

At the Thrift Store...

Ha! Estelle Getty with a baby grocery basket filled with stuffed animals! Loves it!

Bestiality O's

I love me some cereal. I don't have a particular favorite. I just love to eat it although I haven't purchased a box or a bag in a coon's age. I can just sit there fisting a box of cereal for hours like a tasteful adult film. In a bowl or in a cup, nom nom nom. I can spend hours gabbing about cereal. In college, a friend told me how her grandmother wouldn't call it cereal but rather breakfast food. For example, Amy go ahead and pour yourself a bowl of breakfast food.

If only this were just a sweet little post about going cuckoo for generic Cocoa Puffs but it's not. This is about that damn Cinnamon Toast Crunch! You know the one I'm talking about. The one where the desperate woman in sitting on her couch talking to her dog about the bowl of cereal that is sending her into reckless abandon and ecstasy. She's sick. What is this bitch's problem? So this is what she says to the dog, You know that feeling when I scratch your ear and it's like ooh yeah, well this is mine mmmmm.

This is the dog. Doggy style anyone?

Why is she talking to the dog like that? Does she not know that bestiality is illegal in the United States? Dirty talk to animals should be outlawed especially on TV because if I see someone fucking an octopus during a Count Chocula commercial, I'm gonna be pissed.

octopussy

Mexicans v. Crypt Keeper

Housekeepers rejoice!

Today, U.S. District Court Judge Susan Bolton struck down key sections of Arizona's new immigration law, SB 1070. Sorry Arizona Governatrix Jan Brewer. I bet grandma is pissed! You better believe she plans on putting up a fight. Let's hope she doesn't break a hip in the process.

Gov. Jan Brewer

I'll get you my pretties and your little churro too!

After all this is said and done, we have to remember that Article 6 of the constitution says that federal law trumps state law. Suck on that Republicans and Tea Partiers. Somewhere, there is a Mexican landscaper, eating a carne asada burrito from Filibertos in a pick up truck and smiling a little bit bigger.

This carne's for you Juan!

Calhoun Street Bedroom

Purty.